


Look at me through that mirror

by moxiao402



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bunch of people, M/M, No idea what I'm doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-07 03:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8780719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxiao402/pseuds/moxiao402
Summary: Benni likes cats. Mats had thoughts on a med student who picked up a stray cat.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave comments, kudos :)  
> This work us unbeta'd  
> And also grammar mistakes. Thanks.

Water flushed wildly under the newly fitted stainless steel tap, slashing against his skin after being incubated within those tight rubber gloves. Dark circles found their new home beneath his warm hazel eyes, lowering the dim lights in the bathroom even further. Benni lifted his sight from the white porcelain to his reflection and gazed thoughtfully. The floral scent of soap blended together with the strong sanitizer smell, giving him slight headaches as he buried his face into the still damp hands. It has been a while since the break from his last shift, stomach empty from the long hours of work, growling in complaint to the owner's lack of care.

 

Benni enjoys the job of nursing, truly, it would perhaps be the most delightful job to his liking. Despite the long hours and sudden calls from the hospital, his life seemed fine until this day. Five hours of standing from eight in the afternoon to some time which math even doesn't help him recognise. Nothing but a heart still weakly beating within its chamber while enduring contacts from the outside world. Flesh, muscles, vessels, pictured through a camera, different tones of red, red and more red, pinching the tip of his nerves. The doctor said it would be a new learning experience for him, but seemed more like a torture than anything else.

 

Body reluctantly lifted away from the basin as he took off the still clean gown to change into some more comforting clothes. Jumper and jeans seemed to be his saviour through the night, providing him a hint of warmth in a cold room of metal, porcelain and glass. Benni wrapped his grey scarf around his neck before switching off the light. The automatic door opened, then there was the voice of other workers, Benni simply just waved them good bye with a smile.

 

Night time (or more like extremely early morning) in Munich consisted only a few cars even along the busiest streets. Benni snuggled within the soft wool scarf through the icy breezes of nature. Dim street lights added extra loneliness to his slim figure along the high rises, with only speckles of light trembling along the short distance. The route back home was usually short, but this time Benni decided to take a detour to the 7/11 which still lit due to its strangely long opening hours.

 

He was greeted with a welcoming warmth by the heater when the glass doors slid open, sending trembles down his neck as he took a deep breath. Cans and packets neatly stacked, shelved to his liking. Benni couldn't be more appreciative of a clean shop, soothing sight, taking away his nerves and stress.

 

"How's it going?" The voice came from the front counter, making Benni turn for acknowledgement.

 

"Uh good? Bit late of a night shift isn't it." Benni answered, grabbing some espresso capsule off the shelf then turned to discover more from this stranger.

 

The man behind the counter had a mad mane of very dark, or even black, curly hair. He seemed tall from the broad shouldered build, and long legs, but Benni couldn't tell because of his sitting position, with feet on top of the other chair. He was wearing glasses, black thick frame, suited him to extents. A navy over-head hoodie and jeans, also somewhat casual. Benni guessed the man to be around his age, may be alittle bit younger, but from his style of clothing he seemed to still be an university student.

 

The man blinked and answered with a plain tone, "Yea, I've got it until 5 o'clock." Benni looked at the white clock among atop of the shelves, then the man continued. "What brings you here? You seem to be someone who would sleep at 9:30." He joked.

 

"I work in the hospital down the road and got called in for a late night, so, here I am," Benni paused and let out a sigh, "buying iced coffee at 4 in the morning and talking to you."

 

"It could be a good thing, perhaps you got to talk to me." He winked and grinned. Fingers fiddled a pen on the crowded table. Benni could also see papers beneath his hand, covered fully with small writings, layered clearly.

 

"May be." Benni returned a smile and asked, "So you're an Uni student? Was just looking at those papers."

 

"Yea, just started doing a doctorate in human resource management." The man passed the paper to Benni for a read.

 

"Oh, a smart one too."

 

"My name is Mats." He said.

 

"Benedikt, can call me Benni if you want."

 

"Nice to meet you, " Mats chuckled. A handsome smile. "I think you just made my night shift a lot better."

 

"Oh really? I thought you'd have some good alone time editing your report." Benni raised one eye brow and questioned sarcastically. "It was good talking to you though."

 

"We should talk more often, may be not at four in the morning." Mats suggested while scribbling something on a scrap piece of paper before handing it to Benni. "Here's my number."

 

Benni took the paper for a quick glance before putting it into his left jean pocket with his phone. "I'll sent you a text later. Just need to get home now because I've actually got a course tomorrow."

 

"See ya." Mats took off his glasses and said.

 

"Bye, I'll see you some other days."

 

Benni wouldn't say that it was strange, but may be special. The walk home didn't seem so cold, it could be the iced coffee kicking in its energy and sugar. Foot prints embedded into the pale snow along the footpath to his apartment building and it wasn't long until he arrived at the sixth floor, infront of his door. He was greeted by a small black fluff ball which rolled its way through the corridor and made a mewling sound when it met his feet.

 

"Hey Hector, I'm home." The man knelt down to give the cat a pat on the head, looking into its green eyes with a warm smile.

 

He took a seat on the carpet next to the the cat and pulled out the piece of paper and typed a message into the phone.

 

_Hello, it's Benni :)_

 

The screen glowed vibrantly beneath the dim light. Under a minute later, the phone vibrated, a new message.

 

Hope you arrived home safely. I've still got another 10 minutes.... :( From Mats Hummels.

 

Hummels. Benni thought. A familiar name, yet never seemed to be heard by him before. His fingers worked its way on the screen then placed the phone on charge for later.

 

_Good night._

 

The cat sat next to the power point, staring curiously at its owner. The phone vibrated again.

 

 _Good night Benni. From Mats Hummels._  
-  
Hello Diary,  
Who still says "Dear Diary" these days? Still working on my daily habit of keeping a journal of my personal wellbeing. May be not so much "well", considering I'm writing at 5 o'clock in the morning, with the first class starting at 12 tomorrow. But everything is fine. Julian invited me over for some study session for this morning.

1\. Remember to take notes on primary school math.

  
2\. Met someone called Mats Hummels. Seems of a interesting person.

 

Sleeping is the key to success. Study hard, just a few months until exam.

  
-  
Mats hates rainy days sometimes, especially after school where the entrance hall is filled with floods of people. The smell of wet clothing evoked a sudden hint of distaste in his stomach. Mats cringed. He walked speedily out of the crowded space, into the moist, dark atmosphere beneath the blankets of rain clouds. Holding an umbrella by his right hand, and books by the other, Mats began his trek to work.

 

The world was of different shades of grey. Colours dimmed due to its unhappy mood by the rain cloud. Icy droplets of fluid traced down the curved surface of the umbrella, then followed the curves of his vein to the ground.

 

It wasn't long until he turned out of the school into a neighbourhood of high rises. But a mewling sound of a kitten caught his attention. A soft, sweet sound. May be just a few months old? He thought, still moving steadily through the rain.

 

Then his eyes traced along the shaded areas of shops, modern sliding doors of the medical department. A student stood beneath a shade. Mats' eyes catches the greyness of his scarf against the navy trench coat.

 

The person was of his age, a young man in his mid 20s. Soft brown hair. Dressed decently, clothes well fitted and chosen to to be matched. And a pair of blue eyes appeared from the top of his loose collar. And ears, pointy black ears.

 

A kitten isn't something unusual around the school. Often seen, many animals finds their way by people, other animals and more people. Mats was interested, a delightful sight to see on a gloomy day. He watched the boy snuggle his face with the kitten, whispering words softly. Maybe for some comfort until they reach home.

 

The cat listens, eyes wide open, astonished by a rare sight of the world. Yet it snuggled back into the man's coat after a rain dripped onto its nose.

 

Mats stood and watched until the man left. Alone under the shade of the medical department, the grey blanket of a sky, the rain, tickling against his skin.

  
-  
When another boy walked into the shop to take over his shift, Mats dashed out of the automatic door with a stack of paper in his arms. He held the phone tightly within his hand as if still waiting for an reply, even when the screen glowed large numbers of 4:05. He merely enjoys the fresh morning air with a hint of ice. A clean scent.

Home was the synonym of heaven. The apartment small, but decorated with warmth. Unlike the common modern designs of grey and black, it was more of his favourite colours of yellow, but with a creamy texture. It wasn't bedtime until sun rise. Around six in the morning. Mats laid within the layers of blankets, too careless to think about the rest of the day, but there was a sudden realisation. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner is good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haro I'm back again after a while.  
> There'll definitely be a Christmas chapter, I promise.
> 
>  
> 
> Please leave any kudos or comments as they are appreciated.
> 
> From Moxiao402
> 
> Have a nice holiday.

Mats recently discovered a strange system on the university student website. It's not good to stalk people. He enforced. But sometimes, it's needed, to remember the timetable. So Mats did. He entered Benni's name into the university search site. Followed by a fast refresh, he got his answer. Mats scrolled through the information, ranging from age to his timetable which seemed to have a few clashes between their courses. Then there were the grades. Distinction, Merit, Distinction. Mats read, finding the information quite amusing. 

 

"Aye Matsi, who's this?"

 

Mats jumped at the voice, nearly shouted. "Marco Reus! Don't you fucking dare do that again!" 

 

Before they got caught for screaming inside the library, Marco made a shushing gesture and questioned again. "I won't, but who's the dude? He looks like he'll be bald by 45 so don't tell me you like him." The blonde man raised his eyebrows, pulling the chair out next to Mats.

 

"No, I don't like him, you happy now?" Frustrated, Mats closed the tab and opened his school work again.

 

"I was joking, ok? I've got a friend who's in the same course as him, I can suss out some information for ya." He knudged, but Mats doesn't seem impressed, eyeing him as if he was a stranger.

 

Mats didn't reply, but instead, he pushed a stack of books towards Marco.

-  
The library was quiet after Benni finished class, around four in the afternoon. After returning a stack of work books, he walked into the fiction isle, searching for some books for leisure. Benni traced his finger along the old classic book covers. Memories flooded through his mind as he remembers the novels which he read during high school. Even though these days his brain consisted of nothing but work and intense studies. He enjoyed the smell of paper, old ink and paint, and its combination with the fresh soft breeze from the open window, despite the cool atmosphere. 

 

Bzzzzzzzzz......

 

His phone vibrated through his pocket, startling him. Benni checked the lock screen, finding a new message from Mats Hummels. "Hi Benni." Benni reads, then quickly dialled Mats' number. He waited, looking out of the library window, to a blend of purple, pink, orange, along with a few speckles of light. 

 

"Hello?"

 

A confused voice rang through the phone. Benni returned his sight to the neatly stacked bookshelf and asked, "Got any book suggestions for me?" Left hand still shuffling through the book covers, as he searched for a trace of interest. 

 

"Uh, what genre or author do you like? I read Oscar Wilde during high school and he was good. Lee Child is good too, if you like action or thriller..." Mats paused for a breath, along with a sigh.

 

"Thanks. I'm not interrupting your work or anything am I?" Benni asked worryingly, stepping aside to find the 'W' sign on the bottom shelf. 

 

"Nah, I've nearly finished my last assignment before the holidays. The bibliography part is a pain in the ass though." 

 

"If you want a break then we could go for a coffee? I'm near the store. Well, only if you live near around here I guess." He suggested awkwardly while pulling out a book from the shelf. Its orange book cover was bright for a dark room. 

 

He hears the sound of key board in the background during the pause and flipped the front cover open. Mats Hummels, 2014/6/20. Astonished, Benni made a quiet 'oh' sound.

 

"Yea, I'll come around at 5:00. Meet you around the shop?"

 

"Hey Mats, do you....." The words went back to where they came from. "Oh, don't worry. I'll see you at 5 then.

 

"Ok? See ya." The call ended with a confused Mats Hummels and Benni Höwedes. Dinner was something to feel excited for. 

-  
Mats was devastated. Flipping through every drawer and corner of his wardrobe to find something suitable for dinner. Not just any random clothes of course, at least needed to be presentable. The double bed now stacked with mountains of shirts with jeans on the parallel side. A light blue Ralph Lauren shirt caught his sight among the others. Then there's the time infront of the mirror, staring at his reflection. His mane of dark hair still remained messy since the morning, nothing could really help it anyway. 

 

Shaving took roughly 10 minutes of his time, trying to be careful of cutting himself. Lastly followed by a hint of musk from a cologne was a present from his birthday. Mats took a deep breath, still running his hands under the tap. Bright downlights reflected against the grey painted wall of his bathroom, blurring out the clock next to the bed. Mats searched for his glasses along the sink with his right hand and plucks out his phone from the pocket with another. 

 

"Shit."

 

Next minute he found himself wearing a black trench coat and beanie, and running through the complex like a lost puppy. Mats took a sharp turn to the left, nearly into a line of parked bicycles on the sidewalk, then clumsily steadied his steps and breathing as he walks towards the shop's direction. He searched for Benni among the busy street. Pedestrians sped past him, snuggled in warm clothes and breathing out white mist. Being taller allowed more vision to be seen. Then he spotted the grey scarf and brown hair shifting across the lights.

 

"Hey," Benni greeted, trying to catch up his breath, "sorry for being late, just got a call from my neighbour, so yea, had to take that."

 

"It's ok," Mats gave him a pat on the back and suggested, looking into those hazel eyes which reflected the street lights, "there's a cafe styles restaurant around the corner, it's pretty nice."

 

"Ah, sure."

 

The pair turned into a coffee shop on the next street. It's front was a clear glass door, decorated by old wooden signs next to its entrance. When the door opened, they were greeted by the aroma of coffee and sweets, along with warmth from the heater insulated within the walls. In the middle of the store was two large barrows, traced with pipes which rooted across the roof. Within it was litres and litres of melted chocolate, milk and dark. It's creamy smooth texture able to be seen by bare eyes.

 

Behind the counter was few chalkboards with scribbles of drawing and prices. "What're we having? I'll shout you dinner today."

 

"Huh? What?" Benni watched him, eyes widened, "I can't....."

 

"Next time, ok?" Mats chuckled, seeing the unpleased look from the other man.

 

"Ah, fine." Looking defeated, Benni sighed, "regular hot cocoa and a raspberry cheesecake please."

 

"That's sweet."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Nothing."

-  
The creamy goodness of chocolate melted in his mouth. Each sip heavenly, a comforting warmth which reminded Benni of his childhood. They sat near a window which showcased the outside pedestrians. An interesting combination with bright modern downlights and old scratch patterned table, accompanied by cushioned maroon coloured seats. He might have found himself a new place to kill some time. 

 

"How's your study going?"

 

Benni looked at the other man with a confused manner while taking a piece of his cheesecake, "I don't recall telling you that I'm in uni.... but it's been fine...How 'bout yours?"

 

"Uh, I've got a friend in your department... It's been good," Mats fiddled with the serviette.

 

He could tell that Mats was nervous, for what is unknown. The other's man's eyes turned towards the window as if thinking deeply. Benni thought of the question again, should he ask? Or not? He contemplated.

-  
When Mats arrived home, his first instinct was to check the phone. Benni's company was good, they chatted basically about their past, present and future. He loved watching him smile, a slight curve of those thin lips. 

 

Hey Mats, do we actually go to the same school? Text from Benni.

 

Well he fucked up this time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benni is bad at drinking because he's seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see.
> 
> Happy Chinese New Year in a couple of days.  
> Prepare for the beginning of a new year.
> 
> Cheers. 
> 
> From Mox
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments and kudos. Thanks so much.

The continuous beeping sound of a patient's monitor haunted Benni as he ran towards the room. His heart felt blank, mind clear with nothing but the thought of death, death, death. Why did he take up this job in the first place? It wasn't the voice of regret, but grief. Benni enjoyed the company of every person in his life. Even if their influence was nothing but harm and hatred. It's not easy to walk in and out one's life without leaving any trace. He thought about one lady who passed away due to brain tumour three months ago. It began with frequent headaches, then surgeries, treatments, a transformation from a woman full of sunshine to a layer of white sheet, decorated with nothing but splashes of tears by her family.

  
He was often called sensitive, perhaps it was a trace within the blood of his family. He was the first to open the door. Rushed, panting, Benni tried to catch up his breath while adjusting to the sight. Zero. The monitor has spoken without any temperatures and mercy. Benni finally came back when a senior nurse patted him on the back. "Go for a break Benedikt." No, I can't. Benni thought, in the end still finished the job that he was given.

  
The moon still stood in its place when Benni walked out of the hospital. Fucking mid night. He pulled out his phone and cursed at the blinding light. A message appeared on the screen, followed by a sudden vibration. Benni fumbled, but still got a hold on the phone, taking in a deep breath.

  
_Hey, are you still awake? From Mats Hummels_

  
Mats hasn't been texting Benedikt for the whole week from his memory. Hands trembled a little. He contemplated while fingers worked their way out for him. The shop was quieter than usual, so he decided to sort out the shelves, pulling out boxes of goods from the store room and filled in each gap with something suitable to its place. But refilling isn't going to throw away the boredom on his shoulders. The name Benedikt remained in his mind, ever since their last "coffee trip".

  
_Yea, just finished work. From Benni_

_  
Thought you would've been sleeping. From Benni_

  
He didn't know what to say, or ask. May be they could go for a drink at the pub, or if Benedikt was too tired for such. Mats tapped his right hand fingers against his water bottle continuously. Left hand held tightly on to the phone, discussing for an answer within the two sides of his brain.

  
_I'm working, but finishing in half an hour. You can come around if you want. We could go for a drink or something? From Mats Hummels_

  
Benni held onto the phone and snuggled into his grey woolly scarf, vocal cords vibrated with his shiver from the wind. The skin on his hands peeled, raw colour, trembling vigorously. He needs a break, but it doesn't need to be sleeping, eating. Benni would love to talk, and thought of a friend who would ramble about all things in the world, always aggressively optimistic towards life, one of the best student he's ever met.

  
All that was not so important. His mind still tossed between the idea of a drink, or not? Why not?

  
Benni didn't text back, he thought it was a bad idea, as it would reduce the freedom which he had. Decisions are hard, they frustrates him, plucks out his hair, probably the cause of the bald spot. The trip was short. He ended up standing next to the automatic door, thinking, while a shuffling sound began.

  
"Get in, don't be stupid." A voice from the back, Benni looked back, wide eyed. "I know it's cold there, and it'll be another 10 minutes before I finish."

  
"Hey, wait a second..."

  
"There's a clock, and there are cameras around here, " Mats pointed outside, "but no, I just looked outside."

  
Benni watched Mats returning to his spot and chuckled at the apron which is too small for the taller man. "So where are we going today?" He asked, reaching out for an iced coffee on the shelf.

  
"My place? It's warmer there, and I've got a load in the fridge." Mats suggested and waved him off when Benedikt tried to pay for his drink. Benni nodded and didn't speak. He pulled out a stack of paper and began to read in one of the corners. Mats watched him, focused on the shift of his eyebrows and a drop in his expression, with his back hunched and against the wall.

  
The glass bottle clinked as Benni placed it on the ground. Bittersweet, along with a slight hint of caramel, soothed his mind and aches from the emptiness of his stomach. The heater created a better combination, defrosting his brain, giving it some power at mid-night. He flipped through the paper and took a quick glance at the time table. God must have been very generous today.

  
When Mats saw Marco's face it consisted nothing but stress from a highly active brain. Shit. He swore, placing his face between his palms, then quickly shifted into another position. He looked down at his watch and stood up to put on his coat and beanie. Mats walked towards Benni and gave him a gentle tap on the shoulder, waking him from the his deep focus.

  
Benni didn't know what was happening. He looked at Mats curiously then shifted to the blonde man who walked in. The blonde man seemed very young, from his hairstyle to dress code. However, it was a very suspicious eye contact.

  
"Hi, I'm Marco," the blonde man introduced himself. Mats raised his eyebrows and stared at him.

  
"Hey, I'm Benedikt, call me Benni." He smiled. Marco smiled too, at both of them. Mats made a throat cutting gesture.

  
The pair didn't arrive until one. Walking together a little too closely, shoulders sometimes brushed against each other, but nothing was said. They talked. Laughed. Benni threw a snow ball at Mats before arriving at his apartment. He watched Mats press his finger on the new metal button in the elevator. The place was nicely designed, bright lights, no advertisement, and a hint of gold, adding some hint of warmth within the silver. Mats unlocked the door and made a welcoming gesture. Benni found the colour choice quite interesting. "Did your parents decorate this place? I mean the colour of the walls."

  
"Huh? Uh.... Yea, my parents wouldn't let me have a yellow wall so, gotta stick with the cream." He answered awakwardly, turning into the kitchen for some drinks.

  
"You can have pets with a room this big." Benni exclaimed at the spaciousness of his lounge room.

  
"Here," Mats passed the brown haired man a can, and opened his own with one hand, "I don't mind animals, turtles would be fine too, but they'd be too much hassle for someone like me." He pointed to the balcony. "Plants are good, easy to look after, might grow into some fairies one day."

  
"My cat might as well turn into a unicorn then." Benni took a sip of the cool liquid and laughed. The other man pulled out the TV remote from the drawer, pressing the on button and started flicking through multiple channels. "Wait... Go back once."

  
"Which side?"

  
"Blues, why?"

  
"Bees. Unfortunately." Mats sighed jokingly.

  
"Oh, then I should leave then." Benni raised one eyebrow and tapped his fingers against the bottle.

  
"Nah, stay, it's not safe to be out at 2 in the morning."

  
"Say that again I dare ya. When's you're birthday?" Benni asked, unimpressed.

  
"16th of December 1988. Why?"

  
"I'm ten months older. February."

  
"What day?"

  
"29th..." Benni had a second thought before answering.

  
"Well you're seven."

  
"No, fuck you,"

-  
A lounge never seemed to be a more comfortable bed when drunk. Benedikt couldn't remember the bottle count on the black lacquered coffee table. His vision blurred, words came out uncounciously, along side with tears for some reason. He couldn't remember. A warmer body that held him tight. A hand running through his hair. The pounding heart which spoke it's words, telling him it was ok, then there was the deep slumber.

  
It was four when Mats tucked a seven years old Benni into the lounge. He was lighter in size so things were much easier. Mats plugged in the other man's phone for charge then placed it on the coffee table.

  
The phone continued its vibration, 12 times, Mats counted. By the last sound, he pressed the home button and watched the screen light up in an instant.

_15 Missing calls from Manu._

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembered things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version!  
> Thanks for the sub and kudos!  
> Un-beta'd
> 
> From Moxiao402
> 
> Feel free to talk to me <3333

The touch of soft luscious grass tingled against the rough calloused bottom of the teenager's feet. A warm radiate of sunlight glowed against his tousled brown hair, making him seemingly brighter. His cheeks was decorated with the imperfection of freckles, a sign of youth, the recklessness within his naive personality. Together, there was another boy, much taller and broader in size. His short blonde hair and blue eyes reflected the rough, natural German beauty.

  
The pair grew up together, they lived at separate ends of the quiet neighbourhood. Being similar in age, they were always good friends. Especially after the taller boy moved from his centre forward position to a goal keeper during one year of their soccer seasons together.

  
Benni still remembered the old times. They often ran together beneath the afternoon glow, laughing, back sweaty from the radiated heat. Heart thumped to each leap over the fresh grass, upon a field of green, just for a glance of the true wilderness.

  
Bulmker Park. Perhaps the it was the only dribble of nature left within a industrially developed city. A placed filled with all of their childhood fantasies, of nothing but joy and their innocence.   
-

The room was brightened by a blinding gleam of light. Benni groaned in complaint, turning over his back to avoid such monstrosity. He felt nothing but difference. The place was too small, his legs were cramped together, back sagged into the overly soft cushions. He nearly screamed when he fell onto the ground, back smashed against the cool marble tiles. He heard a crack, then the sound of glass shattering. Loud clings and clangs smashed upon the ground, crystals splattered in front of his eyes, along with a drop in his heart.

  
He opened his mouth to the sour odour of alcohol. Brows cringed together as he got to his feet, it's like fighting a monster within his mind. His body craved for the lethargy, tempting him to return to its comfort zone. Now in clear view of the chaos, Benni began to search for the sight of the house owner. "Mats, you there?"

  
"I guess not..?" Benni muttered under his breath, placing both hands above his head as he tried to stabilise his heart rate. Well that was a good start to the morning, he thought groggily. Pools of yellow fizzy liquid followed their track onto the white tiles. A sour taste plucked against his taste buds, Benni looked in disgust, then got up to his sleepy feet. Legs still weak from the influence of alcohol, their inability to connect with the brain brought nothing useful but a sudden blow of headache.

  
His body still sagged to its willingness for the warmth of the blanket, along with the feeling of unchanged clothing, despite that they were "clean" from 12 o'clock. He looked back at the massive blanket, too big for the three seated black leather lounge. Its scent was fresh of cotton and vanilla. Wait, you can actually get vanilla scented washing powder?

  
Benni walked through the unlit corridor through to the laundry. Opened the cupboard and began to reorder everything. Bottles of different kinds scattered in places, unorganised. Then he grabbed the dustpan, mop, a bucket and who knows what.

  
Mats rolled over onto his back and groaned with unsatisfaction, shakey hands covered his face to block the slim gap of light. Scraping sound of wood against marble with clings and clangs of glassware dimly echoed down the hallway and into his bedroom.

  
Oh fuck, what's going on. He jumped off the bed, and dashed into the kitchen to see a shiny eyed Benedikt, along with a well polished room. "Ah, thanks for cleaning the kitchen." Mats let out a long sigh, blinked his eyes several times to adjust to the unusual brightness, "wait what's the time?"

  
"Nearly 12? Brunch is in the fridge..." Benni stuttered, watching the other man awkwardly, untying the apron which he found from the cupboard. "Everything is washed and that collection of teapot is best to be washed by hands.. Saw the few chips along the side...."

  
He saw the confusion on the other man's face, and felt the urge to leave. Benni quickly grabbed the phone from the kitchen bench, along with his other belongings and said, "I'll get going, uh..."

  
"Ok..." Mats hesitated, wanting to ask more but couldn't. "I'll walk you to the door. When you get to the bottom, turn to the right and keep going for 2 streets and you'll be at the shop."

  
The pair walked through the now lighted corridor. Mats watched Benni's fingers swipe across his phone, the hazel eyes suddenly light up, and there was the door. He reached forward to open the door, but also reduced air between them. Brown eyes met the hint of light green. "Sorry, I just had something urgent which just popped up..... May be dinner at my place next time." Benedikt spoke. Mats' lips curled slightly at the blush on his cheeks and answered, "Yea sure, it's been a good time. Thanks for the company."

  
"Thank you for inviting me over....." The voice vibrated within the cold tiles.

-  
Where are you? From Manu

I'm in Munich for the week. From Manu

If you get my text, please ring back. I'll be at home. From Manu

15 missed calls from Manu  
  
God, I'm coming back now. From Benedikt

-  
Legs dragged out their movement in the snow lethargically, but Benni needs to rush home. Right hand gripped tightly onto the device, finger marks leaving their trace of urgency as he sprinted his way towards home.

  
Home.

  
When did those words hit his ears last time?

  
"Benni, let's go home..."

  
Benedikt remembered, vaguely, but mainly the naive tone of an teenager. Their hands entwined, pulses from each other's veins traced their way to the heart. The other boy placed a gentle kiss on the back of his hand, for comfort, perhaps. Soft, with slight moisture, he felt a sudden drop in temperature, body losing its heat as it searched for the warmth. There were tears, or it could've been his imagination, and silence.

  
"I can't, Manu. Sometimes it just doesn't work."

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manu is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys, had quite a tough month as family members got sick and one of my cat passed away due to FIP. It's important to check your kittens....
> 
> <3 from Moxiao

  
Hello Diary,  
I can't remember the date, probably check it tomorrow morning, or is it already the next day? High school is a piece of trash, especially year 11. The amount of chemistry homework and bloody physics. Gosh, physics was bad. That teacher's handwriting is illiterate! It's like a few squiggly lines along with another few symbols, numbers and more lines. How did they get a teaching degree like this....

  
The wind howled outside, perhaps it's going to be storm tonight. I just saw a few dashes of light spreading their way across the ink black sky, casting away the stars and the moon into their hiding spot. Then there was the deep rumbling sound. Oh, stomach, keeping me awake like that. Is it good to eat at 11?

Things to remember:  
1.

The rest was blank.  
-

Mats often found life to be quite boring, plain, useless. He sat at the small stool behind the counter, legs unable to stretch due to its lack of space. Fingers twiddled with a coin that he found on the floor somewhere, staring blankly outside at the early sunrise and waited for someone to come and talk, buy something, he doesn't care.

He reached for his phone but couldn't care less of who called, who texted. Who texted? Mats thought gloomily and flipped out his phone for a quick check.

"You seem a bit distracted these days, got anyone in mind huh?" An older voice called from the storeroom, a seemingly accusing tone.

"Fuck off Roman," Mats rolled his eyes while his grip fumbled the piece of technology, dropping it on to the table, "better than you."

Weidenfeller snorted at the comment, placing another box onto the top shelf with ease. "Well, some little bird told me that you've been seeing some med student who happens to be a customer of ours."

"Who? Marco?"

"No, you dumbass. You're not dating Marco are you?"

Mats nearly threw something into the storeroom, but was interrupted by the movement of the glass sliding door. He turned around to a messy haired, panting Benedikt, who ran straight to the pet section.

"Oh hey Benni," he greeted, but the other man seemed distracted by the range of selection before him. Mats never knew the pet aisle existed anyway.

"Ah, here we go," he bopped up from his crouching position and walked over to the counter, "hi Mats, just needed some food for my kitten...I'm running late though—"

Mats blinked at the word kitten and blocked away the rest of the sentence, "you got time on Ruhr derby?"

"Uh, sorry.... I've actually got something important to sort out this week, may be later?"Benedikt looked apologetically at Mats, whose ears dropped like a lost puppy, "I'll text you!" And just dashed out of the shop again.

"Ah for fuck sake." He leaned backwards and pulled at the strands of his hair. Something important he said. Or someone important?

"Hah, our boy Mats is so lost and lonely!" The other man mocked his reaction, his laugh echoed throughout the shop. "Could you be more obvious?"

Mats just chucked a pen at his manager's balls.  
-  
Benni has been sprinting all day. His legs ached from the long distance between work to the shop and back to his home, but he couldn't trust Manu on his own, despite not knowing his real purpose of the sudden visit. Benni didn't want to think much, because memories can slice through one's skin like a scalpel, then dig through each imperfections with its drill. It's a pain to have good memories.

He wanted to go home.

His home, with no one but Hector, a little black tabby cat with a broken tail. It seemed to have provided him with a lifetime of happiness and cured him from what he once called home, and love.

What was love? Benni couldn't remember, but to keep walk away from this thought, as if it was buried into a grave, and sealed within the layers of his mind. He just kept on walking, running until one day—

Benni arrived earlier than he thought. The front wooden door slightly ajar, but the protective screen was dead locked. "Hector—Come on boy." He called, but silence was his only response.

"Oh hey you're back." A familiar voice came approaching, then there was Manuel Neuer, standing infront of him again after years and years. The door clicked.

"Where's the cat?" Benni asked, unamused.

His shoulders lightened as Manu took the bag off him. The pair moved from the crammed corridor to the kitchen, Benni poured a glass of cold water for both himself and Manu. "Hector's on the verandah, I left the door open for him."

"Ah, thanks..." He answered, trying to maintain the casualness within the conversation, before it evolves into something out of his control. "Manu..." But he couldn't, the boulders in his heart fell. His mind felt shaken up, and blended with different tasting memories. "What brings you to Munich anyway..." Benni pushed out a breath.

"Huh?" The blonde man watched him as if he waited for that question, and was prepared to answer at anytime. Benni noticed a curve in his lips. "I got transferred to your Uni for civil engineering."

"You what?!" He processed this information for a few seconds then nearly screamed. "Holy, congrats! I'm so proud of you!"

"You're acting like a mother again," Manu gave him a pat on the shoulder and mocked, "so I'm gonna sincerely ask," there was a pause, Benni blinked, "can I please stay at your place for a few months, until I find a place to live..."

Benni stared at him in both shock and joy, but he didn't know a way to answer.

"I promise nothing will happen. I promise Benni, things have changed."

He took a breath and answered. "Of course you can, stupid."  
-  
 _Hey Benni. From Mats Hummels_

_It's late Matsi, go to sleep... From Benni_

_Shit, sorry, didn't check the time. Did I wake u? From Mats Hummels_

_Nah, I'm banging out some report. From Benni_

_As in, it's due tomorrow and I'm fucked. From Benni_

_Do you mean today? :) from Mats Hummels_

_......._

_[You have received a photo from Benni]_

_Cute cat haha. From Mats Hummels_

_He's enjoying his life.... Good night Matsi, I'll see you sometimes around. From Benni_  
-  
The small black cat laid peacefully across his chest, streched out its paws in comfort. It's soft fur shone under the table side lamp, a well treated little animal.

It's cute. That's all Mats could say, and stared at his phone for a while.

Good night, Benni. He typed.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet each other after a long week, and Benni is confused. He can't remember.

A flow of cool breeze rushed across his stomach, then was overwhelmed by an icy coolness against the tips of his fingers. He has kicked off his duvet again, Benedikt groaned unwillingly and reached out his hand to turn off his bedside lamp. The wooden clock on the wall displayed 5:23 with its stretched arms, the sound of its interior echoed in the room. But, the cat wasn’t around this time. Wait, what the fuck? Benedikt jolted up in an instant, confused and afraid, turning on his phone’s torch to check the lock on his bedroom door, only to find it unlocked. But he was too tired to think and was careless about anything, but the task which was still unsaved on his laptop. He closed his eyes, embraced himself within the darkness, engulfed by his deep slumber.

-

A vague figure of a young boy appeared before his eyes, brown hair, lean stature. The body slurred, and Benedikt wondered, of who it was. Besides the child, was another teenager, a lot taller, seemingly stronger. He could see them in a distance, sitting together beneath a familiar tree, but he couldn’t remember.

 

Where the fuck am I? He questioned himself.

 

A wave of laughter traveled through his ear, as Benedikt watched them playing soccer, together. Their shirt too large for their body and was splattered all over with dirt. But he couldn’t rem­ember. He just couldn’t remember.

-

A few days later, Benedikt found himself standing in front of the small corner shop again, but instead, this time he walked towards a cosy-looking coffee shop beside it. He hasn’t been contacting Mats, due to busy schedules, and just sometimes forgetting to reply to those messages. Benedikt felt an underlying sense of guilt within himself, hands clenched against his phone for each time he sees those messages. He didn’t want to enlarge the distance between them, but he needed a few days break, away from all technologies after locking himself up in a room for over 20 hours.

 

The welcoming scent of sweet bitterness grasped his interest, as he walked towards the counter. “Can I please have a regular double shot caramel latte please-” He spoke with a faint smile as he placed his order.

 

“Hey, sorry for interrupting, but can I please get a large long black with a dash of full cream milk, and I’ll pay for both coffees.” A familiar voice startled Benedikt, and he turned towards the man, eyes open.

 

“Don’t seem so shocked Benni,” Mats spoke in a rushed manner, but in a worrying tone, while typing in his pin number into the Eftpos machine, “I just saw you walk past while I’m on my break. Has everything been ok lately…? Maybe it’s not the best for me to ask…”

 

“It’s ok Mats,” He replied, “I’ve, uh, just been busy with my assignment and mainly work. I’m sorry for not answering, but I don’t mean to ignore you or anything.” He didn’t know what to say, brows furrowed at his sudden growing sense of guilt.

 

“Good, I just thought maybe I said something wrong.” Mats’ voice was calmer than before, “Maybe we should arrange something one day?”

 

“Sure, you can come over next week if you’d like, my friend is moving out soon so it wouldn’t be a trouble.”

-

 _How has your night been? **Delete.**_ Mats cringed at the words, and pressed his finger firmly against the delete button. He has finally seen him again, after how many long days, he began to lost count, even though it was only probably less than one week. His heart pounded at the thoughts of Benni having a roommate. Who could it be? He questioned solemnly and began to remember the memories from the last time when the other man was over at his apartment.

 

Maybe he should consider taking on another job. Mats thought, then quickly dissolved that idea. But it would be a good way to kill time though, he muttered to himself.

 

 _You forgot your jacket at my place last time. From Mats._ Which was true, the piece of clothing was still hung up neatly in his closet from a few weeks ago.

 

 _Oh, shit, did I? Sorry for the trouble man, I’ve been so busy lately. From Benni._ Mats let out a sigh, if the other man had more time, he would’ve got to know him better.

 

 _Are you really feeling Benni? You seem really stressed. From Mats._ He was reluctant to press send, but button seems to have been bumped anyway.

 

Mats waited for three minutes, then the phone screen lit up again. This time, his eyes widened at the message.

 

 _I’ve been ok, I guess. Can we call,_ please _? From Benni._

 

Mats dialed the number instantly and waited patiently for the other man to pick up. He tapped his finger on the table, while the phone rang, 1, 2- “Hello?”

 

“Hey Mats, sorry for calling you this late. Uh, I think it’ll be better for us to talk on the phone rather than text….” Mats listened, then Benni suddenly paused, as if contemplating.

 

“How have you been Benni? I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while. Has everything been ok?”

 

“Yeah, I’m currently outside now… It’s just, my ex-boyfriend suddenly came over and decided to stay over at my apartment- Wait, fuck, I never told you I liked guys, it must be really weird. “

 

 “No, don’t think like that Benni, it’s totally fine, I get it. Don’t stress, has he been nice towards you? Or did he come to be an asshole.” Mats tried his best to be comforting, not something he’s used to.

 

“He has been nice, we’ve known each other for our whole lives, he’s no harm Mats. But it’s just, I found that he opened my door one day. I realised it because I had Hector that night, but he was gone in the morning.”

 

“If you need to, you can stay over anytime ok?” Mats paused for a quick thought, and continued, “there’s always a spare bedroom for you.”

 

“Thank you, Matsi, you have been too nice to me.” Mats’ heart clicked. I like you, he found himself wanting to say, but they never crossed the first friendship line to begin with.

 

“It’s ok man, ring me anytime if you need me. Even if you’re just bored.” He then replied, wiping the previous idea from his mind. _It's too fucking obvious, Mats Hummels!_ He wanted to scream.

-

The two slurred shadows caught in an embrace, as Benedikt watched, yet he couldn’t see them.

_I can’t remember._

_I don’t want to remember._

_-_

_Thanks for the coffee. From Benni_ Mats read the last message on the screen and does not reply.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, feel free to leave comments. I'm so sorry for this one year of wait. It's my final year and it has been aye, stressful.  
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
>  
> 
> From Moxiao


End file.
